It was about this time last year that I had that thought again, the one that says, “You should have done better. You must think about how you can improve.” It could be about any number of things, but this was about a familiar one: teaching.

I qualified as a primary teacher in the 1990s, way back when it was slightly easier and Michael Gove hadn’t yet interfered. I loved it. I found it so satisfying. Even to the extent that an inspector once said I was “in tune with the children.” However, I was not in tune with timekeeping. I was not in tune with record keeping. I struggled with organisation. I had yet to learn that I have ADHD.

So years passed. Happy events took place: marrying the lovely Darren, setting up home together, expecting our first child. All the while teaching, and aware that other people seemed to find it easier to keep on top of things as teachers, and somehow maintain tidy homes too.

We moved to Leicestershire in 2013, with two small children. We joined a loving church and we settled happily. For a long time there were no thoughts of returning to work. But with the children starting at school themselves, I missed having colleagues. I missed a daily purpose, one that stretched me. So I returned in various roles to school. I did a few days of supply teaching, a maternity cover as a teaching assistant and I was a midday supervisor. But the thought followed me. “I am a teacher. I should try again. Maybe it will be different.”

A good friend at my church says she prays every day that God would give her purpose. And it occurred to me that that would be a good idea. I trust in God and believe he answers prayer. So I asked for purpose.

It was January of last year and quite randomly I decided to be sensible and get the NHS flu jab. We are always told it won’t make us actually ill, just a sore arm maybe. Well as I’ve said before, it did make me ill. I was stuck at home for a week and to pass the time I watched A Fine Romance. It was supposed to be As Time Goes By, but you have to pay for that on ITVX. (I’m not paying for what my mum has on dvd!) So I watched. And a familiar sense came to me. I must write a poem.

So I wrote, and I thought “This is good – I really like writing poems.”Then I thought “Some people write poems a lot. There are books you can buy. I wonder how they do it?”

Some conversations later, with not a little help from an old Uni friend, who is an author and an editor (who had in fact edited a poetry book before!..) and I was suddenly facing the real possibility that I could write enough poems perhaps to put a poetry book together.

So I wrote. It seemed scary. But Judi Dench, who starred in A Fine Romance, has typically said to directors many times that she wants to do what is scary. She likes to try something new. So I thought I should be brave too. The first brave thing I did was I sent the poem I wrote about A Fine Romance to Dame Judi. She sent a signed photo in response. I have no idea if she liked what I sent, but it felt like a good result.

And I wrote daily. Some days one poem, some days two or three. Eventually I had around a hundred. At this point collating the poems and getting them edited was the task, adding illustrations and designing a cover.

So now my book, published via KDP, is available on Amazon. It has also been accepted by my local bookshop, Quinn’s, and will be on their shelves in a week or two.

I obviously will not be earning a wage writing books, but this has lifted me. ADHD which often holds us back in areas of organisation and such things, lends itself to being creative and thinking “outside the box”. It can be very freeing.

Sometimes we feel like the road ahead is a cul-de-sac and we feel frustrated at our inability to move forward. If this is you today, why not have the courage to ask God to inspire you with purpose and his guidance. You might be surprised where it takes you.